If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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