Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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