god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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