i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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