Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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