worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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