I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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