I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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