She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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