Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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