Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize