Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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