I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize