Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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