somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize