Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize