So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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