matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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