No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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