I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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