Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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