I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize