I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you had me at cake vodka
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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