i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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