she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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