I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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