the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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