i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize