why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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