Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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