he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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