I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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