Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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