I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize