I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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