I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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