she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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