Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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