they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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