It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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