I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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