Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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