I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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