Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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