Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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(816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

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(484): No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/e8p3

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(845): I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/36t1

Replies (32) Good night (1973) Bad night (6347) Order T-Shirt
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(615): View more from Tennessee

It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

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(615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox

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(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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(716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979

Replies (40) Good night (8290) Bad night (2334)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

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(678): I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever. http://tfl.nu/08jg

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

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(403): I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life. http://tfl.nu/3fnb

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(410): View more from Maryland

You threw up with your ski mask on still.

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(410): You threw up with your ski mask on still. http://tfl.nu/wyp5

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(619): View more from California

Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.

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(619): Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/w4br

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(480): View more from Arizona

So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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(480): So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast? http://tfl.nu/qa47

Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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(937): View more from Ohio

No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.

(502): View more from Kentucky

And if not?

(937): View more from Ohio

...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?

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(937): No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship. (502): And if not? (937): ...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you? http://tfl.nu/fwg8

Replies (4) Good night (1653) Bad night (309)
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(914): View more from New York

If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.

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(914): If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick. http://tfl.nu/06qn

Replies (6) Good night (1251) Bad night (371)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.

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(775): Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me. http://tfl.nu/b0yd

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(803): View more from South Carolina

the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.

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(803): the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this. http://tfl.nu/qdyt

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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(828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2

Replies (1) Good night (565) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt

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