here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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