Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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