I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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