Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize