You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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